I have to admit something…I’ve been bragging this week. I’ve been on such a high about the 100 lbs I’ve lost (see previous post) that I have told several more people. But, in full disclosure, the scales were up 4 (!) lbs this week. I’ve felt defeated, it’s all I’ve thought about and I’ve complained to my DH and BFF ad nauseam.
Due to that dreaded gain, I’ve tried to stay super focused on my food choices, get out of my head, and change up my routine. It’s been in the back of my brain so often and so loud, that I had a dream last night about it! In this dream, I was truly upset about the numbers on the scale this week—which totally mirrors where my head has been since Sunday. In this dream I was telling myself, “Well, you’ve blown it now!;” What’s next for you?” “You can’t do this.” “Just forget it!” And in this dream, all I wanted was a box of Cheez-Its and a Route-44 sweet tea from Sonic. Have I been subconsciously saying these things all week? Am I subconsciously sabotaging myself?
What the heck?? I’ve worked so hard and spent so much time learning about my body and my health. I know that my former “go-tos” for stuffing my emotions down while I stuff my face is wrong for me, yet, here I am—in my subconscious—wanting to revert right back to my old habits. My old way of coping. My old way of life.
It’s tough to think that I still have so much work to do on the mental part of this journey. I have to continually focus on my goal of better health. It’s frustrating for me that the scale can still do this to mind. It’s disappointing to know that after all this time, I still struggle…on. the. daily. Sometimes with every meal. Sometimes with every bite.
Today, I woke up (still) committed to #keto and my goals. In fact, maybe I’m a little more committed today. I know I’m determined to overcome my mind when it plays with me like this. I know I canNOT continue to be my own worst enemy. And just In case you’re wondering, there are no Sonics on my way to/from work today and I won’t be stopping by the DG to buy Cheez-It’s. Even though I was tempted in my dream, be assured….there is a fire in me to continue that is greater than the pull of my past mistakes. #KnowBetterDoBetter
